Here I am writing my first post on the Mazily blog which made me realize – I should probably start online dating again? Otherwise I’ll have nothing to write about. Nothing. My dating life offline simply does not exist. Don’t get me wrong, I would like to meet somebody, I’ve just not had the time lately to get to know somebody properly.

The first time I tried online dating, I realized my profile mostly attracted people I could easily meet in my everyday life. Which usually might be a good thing, but two of the first people to interact with me were people from my near group of acquaintances.

First there was my best friend’s friend who started liking my pictures. We had met a couple of times already; I’d been to a party at his place and we’d even been out drinking beer (together with other friends). Of course, the same week I started running in to him all the time, and after a few days I got a friend request on Facebook. He is super nice, he really is. But he doesn’t have beard. Oh I didn’t tell you about my picky must-have-list? I’ll save that story for another day…

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The dating game

the dating game

It’s happened..! I met a boy from Mazily. A lovely boy. A true gentleman and a kind soul. He asked me to join him for a beer last Sunday afternoon. We met and, if only my life would be a romantic comedy, we fell in love and spent the rest of our lives tumbling from park to park through a London blurred around the edges in the golden afternoon light… butterflies filled the air, roses lined our path and song birds sang to us..

My life, for some reason, refuses to be a romantic comedy.

We had a pint, each, and then another. We talked, we laughed, we have things in common. He has exquisite eyes. I am smitten. I want more. Much more. We had a sneaky kiss good bye and now I am waiting. Waiting to see what will happen. Checking my phone every 3 minutes. I am waiting and reading dating advice. Desperately trying to cling to the knowledge that I must be patient. I must play the game. I mustn’t appear keen and desperate.

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Boys, I direct this to you. Take it as a friendly pointer from the other side.

As a woman with blond hair and, if I may so myself, a rather nice profile, I receive anywhere between 2 and 20 messages a day on Mazily. At the risk of sounding arrogant, I will admit to answering anywhere between 0 and 2 of these messages on a daily basis.

In my defense, 90% of the message clearly involve no tangible effort and have taken a maximum of 5 seconds to compose. They may not be generic but they show about a 2% effort. Messages like:

Hey

Hi

Yo

Sweet pics! 😉

nice profile. wanna meet?

You sweet. Let’s meet!  (actually this one I never saw, it rhymes, too much effort )

I am – insert name – my number is – insert number – let’s do this 😉

and so on will not inspire the urge in me to respond. I do not ask for a declaration of intentions. I do not expect a riveting piece of literature or a haiku poem. I am just saying, that if you are interested in starting a conversation, show me you’re interested. Make me believe it. Ask me a question. Tell me a thing or two about you in addition to what’s in your profile. Ask me to join you at a concert… that’s the great thing about Mazily. Almost all the work has already been done for you! Find an event and suggest we check it out.

Women like a man who knows how to make an effort. Am I right girls?

The bar as opposed to free online dating

Free online dating is like a bar with free drinks. Magical, delicious drinks with colorful umbrellas and cherries that leave us feeling giddy and fabulous but spare us the ordeal of the hangover the next morning.  It is up there competing with hot fudge sundays, Michael Fassbender in briefs and puppies for the number one spot on my list of favourite things.

Free online dating is like a gift from your fairy godmother. A gift that keeps on giving as, every hour, hundreds of new potential soul mates – yes, I really do think that is what we are all looking for  – sign up and join the party. As opposed to a night out at the local pub, which might be a good time but – let’s be honest – almost invariably ends up leaving us 40 quid poorer, a good couple of inches wider and snogging that IT guy with the bad breath in the loos… ehhm.. no offense Jamie.. I had a good time, just trying to make a point here. No hard feelings… Online dating leaves no room for regrets. It does not encourage binge drinking in order to gather the courage to chat someone up. It puts the cards on the, virtual, table and saves us our hard earned cash as well as our liver for old age.

Mazily, the elder, wiser and far more interesting sister of the free dating sites is an excellent choice for those of us not in denial when it comes to what we are looking for. Those of us who know that, whilst free colorful cocktails can be fun and a nice way to get the night started, sometimes it’s worth shelling out a well considered tenner for a quality Bourbon to be slipped at leisure in front of the open fire. I’m not going back on what I said before. Don’t get me wrong, free online dating is and will remain one of my favorite things. I’m just saying that if a tenner would buy me Mr. Fassbender without briefs, I’d be willing to shell out.. if you know what I mean.

 

Love is in the spring airIt’s been a mild winter and we’re easing into spring as opposed to lusting after it for months and months as in the past few years. Still, no matter when or how, spring always arrives accompanied by a bang and a firm knock on the door to our hearts. The sight of cheerful buds breaking reminds us of new life and leaves us yearning for new experiences, hopeful once again. Thoughts of butterflies and mild, bright evenings spent lingering in parks reemerge from the dark shadows of winter. First rays on expectant faces tepidly turned to the sky bring back thoughts of new love and shared ice cream cones.

Layers come off, smells reappear. Socks vanish and the desire for a hand to hold during those first spring walks intensifies.

How then can we find a suitable hand to hold? I suggest the following:

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Invisible?

Me? I’m not online dating. I would never. Why would I? I am not desperate and lonely. I am Not desperate. NOT LONELY. I meet people all the time. Charming, available men line my immediate surroundings. I step onto the bus in the morning and there they are, all around, gallantly holding the door for me, pausing to take in the scent of my newly washed hair. Leaning over in my direction, all cheeky, dimpled smiles, they slip me their business cards. My pockets are overflowing with cards holding names and numbers of potential suitors. I spend my lunch hour sorting through them, trying to remember which handsome face belonged to which card. I don’t have time for online dating. Between the commute to work and the half hour spent in Tesco most evenings, I meet an army of charmeurs. My weekend would be overflowing with dates if I wanted it to be.

Unfortunately, however, I don’t have time, I’m only half way through season 3 of Downton Abbey and I need all available hours to be spent on the couch in front of my computer. I need to prepare an amicable repertoire for the moment when one of those handsome strangers actually does decide to slip me his card. It will happen any day now. I can feel it.

Seen this gentleman?My new dating resolutions.

No more sexy travellers. No more French poets. No more Italian seductors… (according to my spell-check this word only exists in the female form.. how extraordinary..) No more unreliable Spanish merry makers. No more maybes.

I will, never again, succumb to any man who suggests we meet for the first time for any of the following activities:

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Date a billionaire?

If a man referring to himself as Hungbillionaire approached you on an online dating site, would you accept his invitation for coffee? This is not a hypothetical question, it happened to me this morning.

Hi Emma, you have a message from Hungbillionaire, go find out what he wants…

I don’t know, my initial reaction was a mixture of anger, intense displeasure and amusement. There is something profoundly disturbing about the lack of borders in the online dating world. Once you’re out there, picture and vital data up for scrutiny, you are as naked as the day you were born.

There is no way of turning your back to the sweaty, creepy looking man ogling you from across the bar, you’re out there and he can peer into your eyes – or down your top if you (and I would strongly advice against it) opted for one of those photos, as much as he likes and choose to approach you if he feels the urge to.

In any case, I have opted to interpret this man’s username as an indication of a sense of humour and have accepted his invitation for coffee. Largely, of course, because his photos make him out to be somewhat of a dapper looking fellow and because an invitation for coffee is a civilized gesture in my book, with or without and offensive signature.

It’s a new year after all – and new years are for new beginnings.

Happy 2014!

Who is Emma?

Female.

24! This will mean I can only meet men in candle light after sundown… might work, it does get dark early this time of year… oh ok… 30 …1 ..!

single, cynical, neurotic, savage …correction; juvenile, creative, adventurous in bed, loving life.

Height: 1.72

Weight: are you kidding me right now?

Figure: someone recently told me I have a very delicate bone structure… don’t know what that sounds like… absolutely outrageously fabulous boobs. Seriously, these babies should be in a museum.

Hair: golden, the colour of cold beer on a late afternoon on Copacabana beach note to self – do not post- make hairdressers appointment for highlights… maybe a shade lighter this time.

Pets: I once had 2 mini turtles. I bought them with my flatmate at the pet market. We named them Louis & Vuitton, such great names for a couple of great turtles. Somehow though, it appears the pressure was too much for them, they didn’t make it through the winter. Depression got them. Depression gets a lot of people during the cold season… I’m seriously thinking about getting a dog. Cats are for crazy, single women, everyone knows that… Dog owners, on the other hand, dog owners are social people, social people with boyfriends…  I have a sassy little sausage dog called Bobby that I love a normal amount.

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